The idea for this site came from the discovery of how much power ‘5 minutes’ can have. From journaling, meditating, or just chatting to someone close to you, 5 minutes can make a big difference… More
Millennials Might Not Be Working, But This Is What Is
Millennials are constantly being scrutinized for being lazy, entitled, and “ruining the economy.”
And they are. If 319 selfies in an Amaro filter can’t dig the economy out of debt… Honestly I don’t know what will.
Criticizing the generations following after you is nothing new and is sure to be a torch passed onwards as millenials start harping on the up-and-coming young bucks and
whatever ridiculous behaviour they normalize next. Let’s be honest, everyone can already feel themselves in those shoes as well. Although I strongly doubt anyone will be able to rock those all-white New Balances with the same zestiness, I’m sure they’ll be okay.
Community is a surprising, albeit subtle, trait found in each generation amongst themselves, as the simple timing of when you were born unifies people together by sharing similar experiences- however marginal it might be.
All generations have definitely cemented their own stereotypes, as the relatively harmless flack taken from each generations shortcomings can often be found on Facebook from time to time (as well as memed responses). Really though- supporting a household on a hardware store salary just isn’t feasible anymore, and sometimes it takes humour to send a message!
There are plenty of positive aspects put forth by the millennial generation; one of them being the main theme of The Five You Need. Wellbeing and self-care has often been overlooked for years by a massive chunk of the population, but modernization has helped to impress the importance of taking care and looking after yourself.
This is huge, as continuously overlooking an issue like this will only perpetuate the problem. While not prioritized or neglected in the past, self-care has become a societal norm. Realizing the merit in concepts like mindfulness and mental wellbeing have only just begun in the way it’s exploding in both popularity and value. This is a philosophy that should continue to be progressed by every generation, as anybody is susceptible in developing mental illnesses of all variations and magnitude.
No one is immune, and your mind should be treated with the same respect which we treat our bodies with. Self-care can come in a variety of ways, but understanding the primary role it plays in our lives is crucial to our own wellbeing.
As briefly alluded to in previous articles, being in tune with yourself is a big thing. Being conscious of the activities and habits that are both healthy and enjoyable to you is a base block to understanding how to take care of yourself. Whether that’s being outdoors, reading, or spending time with someone- being aware of how these activities help you stay balanced is key. This is relatively easy, but for most people the hard part is actually making time for these types of things.
Here’s the reality though.
The fact is absolutely everyone on this planet has time for a minimum of 15 minutes every day to spend on themselves- it doesn’t matter how busy you are. What is really at the forefront when someone claims they don’t have this seemingly insignificant block of time is that they just don’t care about it enough.
If that’s the case, okay. Some people are just geared differently than others. But an interesting way I learned to portray things accurately in your mind and to others is rewording common phrases to display the real truth. In this example, “I just don’t have the time for that,” is replaced with “It’s not a priority to me.”
Simple enough, but responding this way to yourself and to others can enlighten you on how you really feel about certain things. Going to the gym, meditating, eating healthy- whatever it is, this is the truth behind it. If it’s enough of a priority to you, you’ll make time for it.
The same goes for less rewarding activities, like watching TV or playing games. Motivated people who possess that natural pizazz for life say they just don’t have the time for those things, when in reality they just don’t place much of a priority on them.
Allow yourself to be honest with yourself and others, and see if that makes you feel differently about things. It’s harder to admit that eating better isn’t a priority to you than it is to say you don’t have time for it.
Being honest with yourself can help you plan out your days better and allow you to create the time necessary for the things truly important to you.
This is a step in the direction of taking care of yourself, and in the end, all the dividends are paid out to you.
Knocked Out of the Race, Time for Ice Cream
In the form of a three-point shot with one second remaining, my schedule went from comfortably busy to eerily silent.
Fighting for the final ticket to the ACAC championships, our St. Mary’s University Lightning team found themselves locked head-to-head with the very team that we were competing with for the last spot.
With identical records, our adversary claimed the prize by having the league sanctioned tie-breaker over us.
One play, one second, one point was enough to knock us out from the glow of an opportunity in pursuing gold amongst the best colleges in the province.
The busyness of juggling school, basketball, and work (while sneaking in a nap from time to time) becomes replaced with what now feels like a stillness of space I now try to productively occupy with various things. It’s kind of funny actually; I seriously enjoy my time to be lazy on the couch when I’m in the flurry of midseason, but there’s something uncomfortable about it when I suddenly have much less on the go.
Just like each time the season comes to an end, I relish the opportunity to lay some thoughts down onto here again and keep the motor of the page running.
(Side note: despite a drought of content that always happens from the other demands of my life we’ve averaged 1,800 reads each month and that feels pretty good, thanks for continuing to check it out and to those readers who are new and old!)
On another note, I now feel like I’m going through some sort of bizarre break-up since basketball has left me for the summer, but who I’ll inevitably take back for one more year in the fall (cuffing season? I don’t know). For now, I’ve spent the day just trying to keep busy and doing things that I don’t really do that much (rumour has it I was spotted in the library today, yikes).
Perspective is everything to me and I definitely need to remember that, because I remember when I was a student without the rigours of sport I felt that the demands of school were pretty heavy; now with the balance of basketball in post-secondary it feels like school on its own is light. Maybe it’s because I was younger, maybe it’s because I was grossly less responsible, maybe it’s Mabeline.
Either way, I’m here now and I like to think I’ve got this part figured out- and I better have it figured, I have one more year left in a degree that’s felt way longer as a result of taking a total of three years off to work and sow my oats elsewhere. No regrets, but dang am I ever getting to be a mature student.
I’ve always maintained that I’m going at my own pace, and there’s some tortoise and the hare thing I could probably plug in somewhere but I’ll just leave it at that.
I’m affectionately/annoyingly called a silver linings guy by my roommate so as always I’ll be looking forward to the things I now have time for even though the real prize of going to the ACAC championships is out the window. The sting of the narrow loss will be on a poster in my mind all summer and I’m sure I’ll be able to attribute more than enough sweaty faces and sore body’s to it as I look to keep pushing forward and by doing as much as I can to make sure I’m not in this position come this time next year at the culmination of my final season.
As for right this second, it’s basketball break-up mode.
Time to go get a haircut and an ice cream.
End note: as a byproduct from not being busy from playoffs of my own, I was able to witness my little brothers first banner- so that was nice. I’m proud of the kid. Maybe he can keep his eyes open when we take a picture with his next banner.
Friday Feels: Searching for Good Vibes
The fresh feelings are great to write, and honestly free and easy, when I’m bubbling with a good mood. This week though I noticed that I was comparably a bit more irritated than I normally am in other weeks. While it’s dope to give some focus on the good things when times are good, I think it’s extra-important to shed some light on them during those times that aren’t as great. Positive psychology isn’t just blind optimism, but rather accepting that no matter what, there will be good and bad- and it’s up to us to control how we perceive it all.
As always, gratitude is a great antidote and here’s my log for the week. However, this week I thought it would be pretty fitting to feature some feelings left by readers and friends, who have definitely helped out in giving inspiration for this segment.
1. When you find something you lost after you’ve already given up looking for it
-Brock Boyd
Losing stuff happens all the time and when it happens you often just try not to lose your mind as well. In our house of males, it’s not uncommon for something to disappear for a few months, seeming lost in the fray. But when that thing unexpectedly turns up, you turn up too- especially when you’ve already given up on it more definitely than the stupid Rubik’s cube that sits smugly on our coffee table.
As always, gratitude is a great antidote and here’s my log for the week. However, this week I thought it would be pretty fitting to feature some feelings left by readers and friends, who have definitely helped out in giving inspiration for this segment.
1. When you find something you lost after you’ve already given up looking for it
-Brock Boyd
Losing stuff happens all the time and when it happens you often just try not to lose your mind as well. In our house of males, it’s not uncommon for something to disappear for a few months, seeming lost in the fray. But when that thing unexpectedly turns up, you turn up too- especially when you’ve already given up on it more definitely than the stupid Rubik’s cube that sits smugly on our coffee table.
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| Where the heck did I put that thing |
2. When you meet new people and instantly click, and everything is easy
-Lea Riemeier
Science says that meeting new people can be some of the toughest things we have to do, so when you meet someone, or a group of people, that’s smooth like Teflon right from the jump it’s a great feeling. Life’s all about finding people who match our type of weird, that feeling of finding familiar weirdo’s can’t be overlooked.
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| Pro tip: don’t laugh at your own jokes just yet, I guess people think it’s lame |
3. Getting a good hug from someone, when they really mean it
-Chalene Kuefler
Anyone around my friend group knows that were pretty open with our emotions and hugs go right along with that. Yeah, we’re grown men and we like to show affection- that’s just love. As experienced huggers as we are, we can attest that some hugs just hit differently than others- this is a shout out to those hugs that are a little warmer, a little tighter, and a little better. Giving someone you care about a good squeeze is the bees knees (sorry for the Seuss-like line).
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| Live, Laugh, Love right? |
4. Being told or telling someone you love them
-Kellie Smith
We’re cruising down Emotion street so let’s just keep rolling. Verbalizing how much someone means to you or being told it by someone dear to you is without a doubt a warm, fuzzy feeling. A simple phrase that can just stir up a whole host of nice feelings when you hear it, love in any form will always be dope and should always be celebrated.
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| Keep ’em on their toes. |
5. The feeling of finishing a good workout or challenging physical task
-Philipp Kawaletz
I’m a sweaty guy when I get up and go, so this feeling is likely a whole lot damper than yours but man, I’m sure we can agree on a solid feeling of achievement. This is the single best feeling of working out, in my opinion, and seeking it out does wonders for health. I get dirty, I get sweaty, and just bask in it for a minute before hitting a nice, cold shower.
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| These days it seems like ‘pics or it didn’t happen.’ |
Start With 5: Give Me a Better Title!
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| Let’s start this with a party pickle |
I like good feelings, you probably like good feelings. This series is all about giving those underrated, overlooked feelings the credit they deserve- maybe making us both feel nicer along the way.
I’ve been super appreciative of how this series has taken off. If you’re reading this as one of the people who give these posts some love on social media, this one’s for YOU.
I’m Jordan, and here’s this week’s Start With 5.
1. When you’re really sweaty or dirty and you step into that nice, refreshing shower
I don’t know about you, but I am fairly pathetic when it comes to being dirty. My mother will be the first to tell you about how even as a little toddler when I played outside I would come running back to ask her if she could wipe the dirt off my hands. Meanwhile, my little sister’s waist-deep in mud and laughing. So maybe it’s not as relatable for you as it is to me, but man that shower feels great and even more so after a long, dirty day.
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| This guy gets it. |
2. That fresh smell after it rained
This one is pretty straight-forward, and if we were just talking about showering ourselves, then we can appreciate when good old Mother Nature does the same thing. The presence of water actually carries smells more, meaning that we’re actually just able to smell the earth a little better.
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| Can you smell it? |
3. When you’re cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start gliding
How satisfying is it when the scissors just start sailing through the paper, smoothly and accurately? I’m not the greatest arts-and-crafts fella, but when this happens it makes me feel like some sort of talented craftsman (definitely not what’s going on, I can assure you of that).
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| Thanks, Google Images |
4. Going to bed with fresh sheets
Whether in a hotel room or your very own, when you hop into bed with a fresh set of bedding it just feels much more relaxing than when you climb into a hot mess of blankets. As I live in a house with four other guys, we definitely don’t wash our bedding as much as we should, but this is giving me a little motivation to get fresh with it.
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| Pre-bedtime mood |
5. When that show you love comes back, or your favourite sports season starts up again
If you like Pina Coladas… and getting caught in the rain several hours of binge-watching TV shows, then you’re as stoked as I am when your favourite show/sport is back in action. Later in the evening, when you’re unwinding from your day, having that one show to entertain you definitely makes the night better.
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| I’m talking THIS excited. |
Honourable Mention:
When one of your readers give you a much better title for your series on the good things in life. Only an honourable mention because it hasn’t happened yet but I bet it’s an unreal feeling. So please, if you think of anything let me know down below or on Facebook in the comments!
5 Facts Science Says About Eating Right
Written by Lea Riemeier
It’s common knowledge that giving a machine the right fuel is necessary for it to work at its best without collapsing. Our body is a machine too, but I’m wondering – why are we not making sure that it gets the best fuel too?
Many people nowadays do not believe that feeding our body right and healthy can actually have an impact on how we feel in general? But guess what – it does! Why else do many of us feel so crappy sometimes when we had fast food for a few days? “I don’t have time.”
That is one of my ‘favourite’ excuses… You don’t have time to grab a piece of fruit or vegetable, but you have time to make a stop at McDonald’s Drive Through?
I am not saying you should never eat fries again – hell no! It’s all about balance, isn’t it? Small changes can make a huge difference and it’s a start. If you want McDonald’s then get it, but if you’re just hungry and want a snack maybe you could try an apple or a banana instead? And you will see, they won’t kill you. Here are five facts on why healthy food can make you feel better or happier 🙂
- Eating fruits and vegetables increases people’s life satisfaction
A study from Australia from 2016 found that people who switched from eating almost no fruit or vegetables to including eight portions a day in their diets felt an overall increase in life satisfaction that is comparable to the feeling an unemployed person has after finding a job. Everyone knows studies that show an improvement in people’s health when they eat more fruits and veggies.
What I find interesting though is, that the effects it has on our life satisfaction seem to happen much faster.
- Eating healthy prevents mood swings
We all know that feeling when we are really energy depleted and just need a quick snack to get that blood sugar up again. What’s a faster way than having a piece of chocolate or a candy bar?
Yeah, we will feel better for a bit, until the blood sugar drops down super fast because of how fast our body digest and absorbs these simple refined sugars and we will feel tired and crave more and the circle starts again.
There is nothing bad about sugar; it’s definitely the fastest source of energy. Just try combining it with fibres instead of having it by itself. Fibres are complex carbohydrates, found in fruits and vegetables, especially in the peel, but also in oats, peas, beans, etc.. The complex carbohydrates will slow down the sugar absorption into your bloodstream, will cause an increased release of Serotonin, the “feeling good” chemical and by that prevent these mood swings, which suck not only for you but also for the people around you.
- Feeling more comfortable in your skin
We all want to feel comfortable with our physical appearance, but nowadays that is hard for many of us.
On the one hand, there is all that influence from social media on how we should look like and on the other hand all these super fancy unhealthy food trends we all HAVE to try and take a cool photo of to post it on Instagram (No? It’s just us girls? Oh.).
I can’t tell you to not listen to that and it doesn’t matter what social media says and you are all beautiful as you are, because why would you believe me? You have no idea who I am. But what I can tell you is: ‘Listen to your body. It tells you what to do.’ If you don’t feel good in your own skin, because you are obese or you have bad skin then no one can help you, but YOU
You can make healthy food choices and you will see how it will make you feel better, look better and it will keep you motivated to make healthy choices in the future.
Most change is slow and gradual but is entirely worthwhile. What matters more in the end? Social media and trying every food trend that already won’t matter anymore tomorrow or how happy you feel with yourself?
- What you eat can improve your mood and energy levels
Many of us are having a hard time eating enough protein throughout the day. Most of our foods contain lots of carbohydrates and fats but they lack the amount of protein we should eat. Protein is great to improve your mood and energy even for several hours after eating. They slow down the absorption of carbohydrates into your bloodstream and increase the release of dopamine and norepinephrine, which are also used to treat depression.
Examples of protein-rich foods are:
- Eggs
- Chicken
- Fish
- Soybeans or tofu
- Lentils
- Quinoa
- Nuts and seeds
- Greek yogurt
- Keep those bowels moving
This might not be the nicest topic to talk about but whether we like it or not it’s important and everyone has to go to the toilet.
Nowadays many of us suffer from constipation and can’t empty ourselves regularly and that obviously makes us feel bad, bloated, and just somehow heavy. A very simple explanation of why we feel like that is that we are not getting enough water and fibres in our diets, which are the essentials for our gut system to work properly and get everything moving.
Once you’ve experienced how great it feels to have regular bowel movements, and how much lighter and comfortable you feel, you won’t ever want to feel differently and you’ll probably prioritize water and fibres.
Sources:
https://www.livescience.com/55407-eating-more-fruits-veggies-linked-with-life-satisfaction.html
https://www.healthline.com/health/mood-food-can-what-you-eat-affect-your-happiness#mood-foods
https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/foods-feel-better#1
Start With 5: Kanye Cracks the Post?
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| Me (probably) in a couple decades |
I have to say, coming up with these feelings is pretty fun. It makes it easier for me to notice them in every day life as they happen- not only making a mental note to appreciate it more, but also a note to jot it down here, in my… Journal? Diary? I think that’s basically what it is, but since I’m a millenial, I’m just going to go ahead and call it a blog.
5 Guys Burgers and Fries do fast food, but I do lists (and still can’t come up with a catchy title). Here’s 5 underrated feelings to continue your week.
1. When you drop your phone and you’re bracing for the worst, but you pick it up and it’s all good
Dropping your phone sucks, and no matter how careful and graceful you are, it’s going to happen. So when my phone makes a particularly long plunge towards the cold, hard earth and I turn it over and it’s unscathed, it really makes me sigh a heavy sigh of relief (I don’t know where the inspiration for Titanium, bullet-proof, or any other lyric Sia has about being unbreakable came from, but it definitely wasn’t an iPhone- so these moments are definitely appreciated)
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| Relatable |
2. That first sip of coffee or tea in the morning
The initial taste of your hot drink of choice is good any morning, but it hits a little better on those mornings that are just a bit more of a struggle. I’m a tea guy myself, and that first sip is usually far too hot because I’m usually not patient enough to wait until it’s past its scalding phase. Hot drinks are meant to drink hot, so what if I burn my tastebuds off a little bit? Either way, my double dose of tea is one of my favourite things in my morning routine. Must be the British in me.
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| In case you were wondering, this is how you model sipping coffee |
3. The ‘thank you’ wave of appreciation when you let someone merge in front of you
It’s the little things. When someone’s coming in and you’re a good sport and let them in, it’s a small token of gratitude to have them wave their appreciation. We’re all about manners in Canada (most times) and this is basically a must for drivers in the North. Bonus points for when that person is getting ignored by other impatient drivers and then you go on and save the day to let them in.
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| Can you imagine if we actually lived like stock images make us seem like? |
4. Remembering a password first try for a site you don’t use that often
With the varying standards of what makes a password strong, you can’t even use the exact same password for every single site. So when I’m logging onto something I seldom use and I just throw some combination in, or one of my old passwords that I don’t use anymore and it works on the first try, I ignore the feeling that I’m sort of Oracle and just take a second to appreciate my wizardry.
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| You know what, I’m feeling these stock images. Let’s keep it going |
5. Getting a text or call from a friend saying they were thinking of you
This one is the bee’s knees and can really go a long way to making your day, can’t it? Knowing you were on someone’s mind and mean enough to reach out to let them know that is a pretty good way of them letting you know you’re valued to them. It may not happen a whole lot, but it’s always appreciated when it happens and can make the heart feel a bit warmer. Since we’re all reading this anyway, I challenge myself and you to reach out to someone you haven’t heard from in a while and let them know you’re thinking of them- all the reasons of why it’s a nice gesture are all highlighted here so why not be the creator?
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| Comment who that text is definitely from. P.S., I never thought I’d see the day that Kanye was on the site in any way. Anything is possible. |
That’s all for this week. Use these buttons to share it how you feel and help this guy continue to build The Five You Need into a career- have a great week!
Two Different Kinds of Friends, Are You Real or Fake?
I find myself in Riga, Latvia in eastern Europe and while it’s similar to Canada with its northern disposition and affinity for hockey and basketball, the two countries are otherwise very unalike. Walking around my hometown in Canada would be met with the sights of relatively small buildings with modest heights and space, space for pretty much as far as the eye can see. Conversely, walking in Riga is thatched with sets of evenly parallel streets typical of downtown settings and buildings with fine carved, dated architecture expanding far above your head, built far beyond your time (or your grandparents for that matter). It’s a welcomed scene for a Canadian guy who is normally surrounded by the ever-expanding, but comparatively fresh buildings from home.
The differences don’t stop with the city and its surroundings of course, with cultural norms and behaviours following their own unwritten but established rules. To the outsider looking in, it might even seem like these people just aren’t as friendly, operating on their own wavelengths and at their own pace. Even my limited encounters with some locals had demonstrated their knack for being pretty blunt when something wasn’t funny, pronounced horribly wrong, or just plain stupid- all things I’m quite capable of in conversation, sometimes in bunches! Like when I tried to say a former Latvian NBA basketball players name just my second night here, which was met with a laugh and a comment about how brutal my pronunciation was…
Building from this, I was reading a book that serendipitously coincided with this area of Europe and shared the thoughts of a teacher on these differences, and explained by the author of the book (which was The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***, by Mark Manson- a great read on a healthy, productive mindset that’s worth checking out).
To summarize, the Russian teacher explained that the strong influences of socialism and communism felt by older generations had shaped the social behaviours of the people here (there is a heavy Russian influence in Latvia, and about 1 in 3 people are Russian). Basically, during these times in the mid 20th century, fear became a very real factor in the lives of the people and trust from one individual to another became one of the most valuable commodities. People became motivated to find individuals they could trust, and those who were trustworthy had more value to others, thus having a greater social gain. The teacher explained that the quickest way to build this was through blunt, honest, and genuine encounters in order to show this quality and gain the trust of the people around you.
Flip over to North-American culture and you see such a vast difference, where people often modify their behaviour to be liked more or present themselves differently at home, work, or otherwise. Capitalistic influences and making money and as much of it as you possibly can has seemingly motivated this difference, with people on a cultural level interested in changing how they act in order to maximize success in different ways. As a result, more people native to this continent are more prone to living in ways unauthentic to their true self, with these background influences of society ultimately playing a role in who they are as individuals.
While the first few instances of experiencing this firsthand were a bit of a shock, the timing of reading an explanation on why it’s like this was perfect. With this in mind now I find the difference pretty refreshing, and definitely something possible in learning from. It’s more typical here that what you see is what you get; if you just said something stupid or definitely, totally not their humour at all (ugh)- you’ll know about it. But when you hear something positive, it holds more weight because you know its true and not some BS that someone’s blowing up the back to make you feel better, or some sales pitch to make them seem like they have more value as a friend.
Just some things I found super interesting that got the wheels turning in thought and I’m sure there’s more to it- what do you think?
Leave a comment below or on Facebook!
5 Virtues Necessary For Every Friendship
No matter how adept someone is at maintaining friendships, there will always be conflict. Despite these struggles, friendship and social interaction is a necessary part of human life, so understanding them better is a vitally important topic. Here are some research based approaches of making sure those around you accurately receive how you feel about them (with sources at the bottom).
1. Adding Value
Poor friends take more value than they give to another, while good friends add more value than they receive. Healthy relationships function best when the value each puts in is relatively equal, and without expectation. What is adding value? Adding value is anything that makes the another feel cared for, loved, and valued by the other. A simple method of someone showing the value of another person in their life is by checking in with how a person really feels or is doing. Beyond the basic nature of “how are you” and other formalities, checking in with how someone is truly doing is an essential form of love in the way of expressing genuine care. If this is common sense, great- applying it further and making a conscious effort to think of more ways to make someone know they’re valued to you is fantastic and still underused in many relationships.
2. Empathy
This articles contents are all interrelated to each other, and empathy is a tool to better understand the people around you. By making an effort to see and understand what another person may be feeling about something is a great way to not only gain motivation for helping them, but also to understand the best way to help them out. The old saying of “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes” is the basis of this idea and, aside from the overused cliche, it still rings true in dealing with not only your friends, but with anyone you come in contact with. It is much more difficult to be consumed with negative emotions such as anger and frustration with someone when you have a truly empathetic standpoint on why they might be doing what they’re doing. In addition, developing a strong, empathetic perspective has been shown to increase investment, as well as genuine care in others success.
3. Honesty and Being Authentic
Being honest and authentic is a no-brainer, but to expand on it further, openness and honesty is also relevant apart from just ‘telling the truth’. There are hundreds of interactions where people suppress their genuine feelings on something for fear of being rude, hurting someones feelings, or otherwise. For example, in Canadian culture (God bless our maple-syrup-loving souls), there are many cultural norms around being polite and friendly to one another. This is great and doesn’t need a remedy; the only time this becomes a problem is when someone avoids telling another person what that they need to hear, or pretending everything is terrific when it really isn’t. This can hamper someone else’s growth as well as create resentments from within that result from expressing a form of inauthentic behaviour. In other words, if you have to be someone you’re not, say something you wouldn’t say, or pretend to be happy and fantastic, research shows that it will take a toll on your own mental well-being. Being authentic and letting your true self show is easier and beneficial to yourself, as well as the people around you.
4. Communication
As mentioned earlier, these points are connected and this one stems from above. Knowing how to effectively communicate with someone else as well as knowing the right time to is important in making sure the message is received in the right context and in the right state. On top of this, communicating from a perspective of empathy can help make sure that the other person knows it’s coming from a place of love; strengthening the overall message.
5. Committing to Happiness
There’s a mass movement behind loving yourself and putting yourself first. While this is important, it should not take away from investing in your friendships by committing to someones else’s happiness. When someone commits to another’s happiness and they put it ahead of the friendship, they make a decision to do things that are best for the other person despite if it’s uncomfortable. For example, holding someone accountable can be tough and unpleasant, but is necessary to benefit them in the long run. Loving yourself and loving your friends are not mutually exclusive ideas, meaning they should be done together.
Leave a comment below or on Facebook on what you think is missing.
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| Photos from Elbsandsteingebirge (top), and Bastei Bridge (above) Germany |
ReferencesLavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (2016). Does Couples’ Communication Predict Marital Satisfaction, or Does Marital Satisfaction Predict Communication?. Journal of marriage and the family, 78(3), 680–694. doi:10.1111/jomf.12301
Valuing empathy and emotional intelligence in health leadership: a study of empathy, leadership behaviour and outcome effectiveness. (2005). Health Services Management Research, 18(1), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1258/0951484053051924
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/201002/what-makes-true-friend
The Power of Perspective: How to Come Out Better Off From Adversity
‘ll tell you one thing: when it comes to physical growth, it’s something I picked up on super quickly- not that I had a choice. Evidenced by a constant rotation of new clothes, cramming into cars, or straight up hitting my head on low ceilings and door frames, rapid growth was just a part of my life.
However, what I’m most interested in lately is the other side- the mental side. Growth in that area is much less obvious, yet more important. To be willing to change and adapt to what is around is an ability that serves each person, and specifically the mindset around that and problems that arise can feel like a make or break in dealing with it all.
In other words, how we see challenges and adversity will determine the ability to overcome them when they come around.
And just like everything else, it’s a habit.
I’ve read some interesting things lately that support the claims that how we interpret a problem or obstacle influences how we’ll be able to actually get through it, and how we’ll be left afterwards. This is where growth comes into play. Adversity is always going to be tough, clearly as it’s in the definition itself. But when a challenge presents itself, however harmful, draining, or distressing it is, looking at it from a point that’s determined to see an opportunity to grow changes how we move through it- and what we’re left with when it passes.
This school of thought is based off of viewing adversity through two sets of goggles. One of these lenses show a struggle as something debilitating, hampering and a source of stress. The other shows a landscape from the bottom up littered with rationalization of ways this will help benefit some aspect, or promote growth in some way.
This is similar in the motivational mantras we see from time to time that preach the importance of failure and how it’s necessary before success. It’s from the same branch of perspective and requires the same mentality. The only difference with this is that it’s applicable into everyday life and the struggles that present themselves. Big or small, the philosophy remains the same.
Psychology supports this by offering that we have two routes when presented with adversity (small challenges all the way up to immense ones), and that’s growth or trauma. Framing things from the former perspective enables us with this ability to become better, smarter, stronger- whatever we wholeheartedly believe is possible. This isn’t my own idea, rather something I was drawn to and am now reiterating to go along with my own insights.
Science tells us that this concept of belief in growth over trauma is possible with anything. I’m not disparaging or taking away from the horrors that some people go through, because sometimes it’s beyond difficult and overwhelming. My two cents on the matter is mainly that plugging in this habit first with minor challenges repetitively, and often, can help put us in the position to do so when the bigger problems come along. Every person is a bundle of their own habits, and making a frequent effort to reason what all of the positive benefits the not-so-positive things bring can shape how we feel during adversity, and what we’re left with when it passes.
Reverting back to the motivational cliches, if Michael Jordan being cut from the varsity team was seen from the traumatic lens, we might never have known the now-household name. If Dr. Seuss had seen each rejection from children’s publication companies as a sign to quit, we might not have seen his world of fantasy and art.
Brainstorming all the different, intricate ways that any certain challenge can push you forward, strengthen you, or make you wiser helps growth while also showing just how possible moving beyond the struggle is.
Starting small seems to help with me, making those a habit before tackling the major stuff.
These are just my thoughts and I’d love to hear yours- feel free to comment or write a message. Also liking and sharing content is always a huge help, thanks for the support!
Start With 5: What Feelings Do You Overlook?
I’m feeling something good coming. Not only is this series super fun to write, I feel like it’s some of my better work, and the responses have been great. The best part about it all
is that I get to write straight off the cuff, providing a voice for the thoughts tapping around my head. In case you missed it, here is the first piece where I describe some
super underrated feelings that probably get overlooked. This is purely just about giving some well-deserved appreciation to feelings that just slip right past our radar sometimes.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Mambo Number 5*(*underrated feelings)
1. That ‘AHA!’ moment you finally remember the word that’s on the tip of your tongue
It’s like a floodlight that surges with power before the huge shine of light and man, does that ever feel good. The longer you spend wrestling over what simple little word was on the tip of your tongue, the greater the rush pumping through your veins momentarily. Am I exaggerating this a little? Maybe, but when this happens to me I am way too excited for a second and I’m hoping there’s at least a few other people who can relate. Who knows, maybe this will be the best parts of my day when I’m much older and wiser yet still approaching senility. As an old man, I’ll make a point to still get fired up when it takes me a little too long to remember what I ate for breakfast, but I remembered nonetheless.
2. When you find a new song and instantly fall in love with it
I might be just impressing my own personal pump up package with these feelings, but here’s another thing that gets me jazzed up (not a bad pun, but certainly a welcomed coincidence). I cycle through music pretty quickly and pretty regularly, yet finding new songs with HEAT are still few and far between for the most part. When you find that song with some fire though, those first few listens are like an audio-espresso in the ear-drum. I then listen to them until the wheels fall off and then wonder why I have a tendency to just way over-do things. I guess that’s why I can’t have nice things.
3. Not being allergic to peanut butter
Man oh man, if you are reading this and you are allergic to peanut butter, I am so sorry. That creamy, peanut-y goodness is just different- healthy, tasty, and addicting. I probably slap way too much of it on my little pieces of toast, but it’s only to keep me from just eating it straight from the tub. If you don’t think peanut butter is that big of a deal, I bet if you couldn’t eat it for the rest of your life you’d miss at least a little bit (and if you still can’t agree to that, then maybe go eat some more Brussels sprouts or whatever else you’re probably into, I don’t know).
4. Driving past a cop and then almost freaking out because you realize you’re cruising a little too fast, but it’s all good because he’s in a good (or lazy) mood
So going back to number 2, finding that new tune can lead to number 4- and that stroke of luck followed by a wave of relief is a pretty good feeling. It happens, sometimes you just don’t realize you’re into that zoom zoom mode and when your friendly neighbourhood police guy let’s you off the hook it feels pretty good, doesn’t it?
5. When you wake up wondrously rested and ready to go
As an avid sleep fanatic, let me just start this by saying that this doesn’t happen a whole lot for me, so when it does, it’s a pretty special feeling. Sometimes I ruin it by going right back to sleep, but sometimes I get up feeling pretty charged up for the day. It definitely helps when you have some good stuff to look forward to, but either way when this miracle happens I do not take it for granted.
 |
| *Photo to illustrate that even when I wake up energized, I’m still a baby* |
That’s it for this week. Using one of these buttons down below would make me a happy guy, mainly because I had to figure out a bit of coding just to add them. Let me be the first to tell you, that stuff is not easy. Have a good week!
Have a feeling that fits the topic? Maybe I’m overlooking it- comment it below or send me a message and I’ll feature it!
Start With 5: Do You Let These Feelings Slip?
I’m feeling something good coming. Not only is this series super fun to write, I feel like it’s some of my better work, and the responses have been great. The best part about it all is that I get to write straight off the cuff, providing a voice for the thoughts tapping around my head. In case you missed it, here is the first piece where I describe some super underrated feelings that probably get overlooked. This is purely just about giving some well-deserved appreciation to feelings that just slip right past our radar sometimes.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Mambo Number 5*
(*underrated feelings)
1. That ‘AHA!’ moment you finally remember the word that’s on the tip of your tongue
It’s like a floodlight that surges with power before the huge shine of light and man, does that ever feel good. The longer you spend wrestling over what simple little word was on the tip of your tongue, the greater the rush pumping through your veins momentarily. Am I exaggerating this a little? Maybe, but when this happens to me I am way too excited for a second and I’m hoping there’s at least a few other people who can relate. Who knows, maybe this will be the best parts of my day when I’m much older and wiser yet still approaching senility. As an old man, I’ll make a point to still get fired up when it takes me a little too long to remember what I ate for breakfast, but I remembered nonetheless.
2. When you find a new song and instantly fall in love with it
I might be just impressing my own personal pump up package with these feelings, but here’s another thing that gets me jazzed up (not a bad pun, but certainly a welcomed coincidence). I cycle through music pretty quickly and pretty regularly, yet finding new songs with HEAT are still few and far between for the most part. When you find that song with some fire though, those first few listens are like an audio-espresso in the ear-drum. I then listen to them until the wheels fall off and then wonder why I have a tendency to just way over-do things. I guess that’s why I can’t have nice things.
3. Not being allergic to peanut butter
Man oh man, if you are reading this and you are allergic to peanut butter, I am so sorry. That creamy, peanut-y goodness is just different- healthy, tasty, and addicting. I probably slap way too much of it on my little pieces of toast, but it’s only to keep me from just eating it straight from the tub. If you don’t think peanut butter is that big of a deal, I bet if you couldn’t eat it for the rest of your life you’d miss at least a little bit (and if you still can’t agree to that, then maybe go eat some more Brussels sprouts or whatever else you’re probably into, I don’t know).
4. Driving past a cop and then almost freaking out because you realize you’re cruising a little too fast, but it’s all good because he’s in a good (or lazy) mood
So going back to number 2, finding that new tune can lead to number 4- and that stroke of luck followed by a wave of relief is a pretty good feeling. It happens, sometimes you just don’t realize you’re into that zoom zoom mode and when your friendly neighbourhood police guy let’s you off the hook it feels pretty good, doesn’t it?
5. When you wake up wondrously rested and ready to go
As an avid sleep fanatic, let me just start this by saying that this doesn’t happen a whole lot for me, so when it does, it’s a pretty special feeling. Sometimes I ruin it by going right back to sleep, but sometimes I get up feeling pretty charged up for the day. It definitely helps when you have some good stuff to look forward to, but either way when this miracle happens I do not take it for granted.
 |
| *Photo to illustrate that even when I wake up energized, I’m still a baby* |
That’s it for this week. Using one of these buttons down below would make me a happy guy, mainly because I had to figure out a bit of coding just to add them. Let me be the first to tell you, that stuff is not easy. Have a good week!
Have a feeling that fits the topic? Maybe I’m overlooking it- comment it below or send me a message and I’ll feature it!
thefiveminutemind.ca 
